Living Creatively Ever After

It has been there for three weeks…what is wrong with me?

Updated my Art Journal pages…I realize that previously my journals were less honest and insightful.

I am trying hard at expressing myself.

April is around the corner! I can’t believe that we’re way in to 2008! The first quarter has gone by just like that.

It’s now time for another round-up of the most clicked, googled and recommended posts for this month, I can’t really say that it was a surprise to me. Just maybe one of the top posts that  has been having a lot of hits lately is a topic which is very close to my heart and I have to yet understand it completely.

In any case, the top five posts for this month are:

5.  Me and My Moleskine

This was my first post fully dedicated to my love for all things all Moleskine. I will be updating my shoppe soon. I have included customised Moleskine Cahiers as part of my merch, I hope you guys have the time to check it out.

Speaking of which! We have a winner! Obviously only one person commented on the post!

Bunny B will receive a Moleskine Cahier which I call Caffeine Love! This is normally priced at $7.50. Congratulations Bunny, a Moleskine classic in your hands!

4. What An Awesome Sunday

By far the honest post that I have of this year. Honesty is such a powerful word. After this post, I just knew that I can’t go back to my diluted writing of my thoughts and ideas. This post has made me face stuff that I would rather keep under the rug.

3.  For the Love of Snail Mail and Other Forms of Correspondence

I love packages and snail mail! I hope that I can get a job soon though, as I have collected a lot of pals over this three months and I am spending an average of $25 on postage alone. Snail mailing though has forced me to become resourceful and creative, as this post can attest to.

2. I am Christian and I Get Depressed

Ever since I wrote this post, it has gained momentum, it was last month’s top post. I once read this, “How can you have God and be depressed?”. In Pastor Kong’s sermon last Easter he said that Depression is anger turned within. I don’t know, maybe there are different sources of depression, I have read a lot about it even in Christian literature and did what they advise. Sometimes it gets to you like you don’t know what hit you. You’ve read the right books, prayed the right prayer, think the right thoughts…in the end you still feel condemned of your weakness.

It’s a topic that I definitely would want to explore!

And the new most viewed post is:

1. BBC Personality Quiz

I just think that this was so unlikely. I am learning that most of what the results say are true.

I wonder what next month’s top posts list will look like!

About the Who, What, Why and How of a life.

 Plans. Plans. Plans.

I went from a well-mapped life, down to the very detail of the buttons on my allied health professional uniform to a life that is based on solely on a promise.

Plans. Plans. Plans.

It’s like, I am scared of making plans, for fear that it involves a radical shift, altering all that I had written and built upon my heart.

 Plans. Plans. Plans.

It’s time.

But I need more time. Which I have an abundance of since I left work.

If there was just someone I could talk to

I am talking gibberish, aren’t I?

Things are moving, a lot of change will happen. Both inside and out. I really hate it when I feel like I’m talking in cryptic mode.

Maybe I should write it down than type away in cyberspace?

Maybe I should. Maybe I will.

and I do need sincere people in my life, if I could just stop pushing them away…

Who, What, Why and How

I was supposed to call it a day by 10 pm. Suddenly, I received news that will forever alter my life, one word – closure. My mind was racing deep into the night. I tried to sleep, knowing that lack of sleep will interfere with my emotions and general disposition the following day. 

At 2:39 am I texted my sister (who was fast asleep on the bed beside mine) that I would need to sleep in more and that she can go ahead and bathe first. 

I turned Wacky (my beloved iPod Touch) on as listening in to him would make me fall asleep based from previous experience. 

I listened to a few faith-based songs, then listened to Dr AR Bernard’s podcast – which made it worse because it got me thinking more! Finally, I decided to connect to WiFi and watch YouTube videos of Legally Blonde the Musical (Broadway goes Blonde!) and Jason Castro singing the song Clumsy at his church (I think!). I watched videos over and over again, until Wacky’s battery ran low. I still couldn’t sleep. 

I tried to think of things to make me fall asleep. Counting sheep has never worked, it just exasperated me because I would a thousand and those sheep will all be mocking me with each jump over the fence! 

I fell asleep finally, after sheer exhaustion. Still excited, I think I slept with a smile on my face!

I slept at 3 am, woke up at 6 am. Got up at 6:30 am to turn the water heater on for my sister and went back to bed, trying to catch as much sleep I can. It never worked as my brain was on hyperdrive, with excitement. 
 
I can’t say it just yet, somehow, I am still a bit superstitious, you know, I don’t want to jinx it or anything. But I am looking forward to April! A period of mourning, grief and acceptance. Yes, I am excited about grieving, and no, I am not a masochist.

I guess I have to keep mum about this until the actual day arrives!

and oh, I have an offer on for a pocket Moleskine Cahier in Buff Brown, decorated of course, click here

Let the Kid Write

I have written about writing in my journals and my journals!

I was the kid who would be walking around carrying a thick, hardbound record book (the accounting type as that was the only one sturdy enough to suffer abuse from my rough and tumble pre-pubescent life) writing about anything and everything. On it were snippets of poetry, riddles and a big chunk of the story that I was currently working on. Sometimes it would include quotes or poetry from other authors that I admired, but most of it would be purely me.

That was when I discovered journaling. As an adolescent, looking for an identity, struggling with self-doubt and living a very un-ordinary life, I found that capturing my thoughts in paper was not only therapeutic but also helped me understand my feelings and the situation I often found myself “trapped” in. Journal writing, for me, is a path of self-discovery.

Throughout the years I used a lot of notebooks and journals to keep my precious chronicles and sometimes running commentaries on my life and the lives of people around me. The only type of journal that I stuck to was the handy record book used in Accounting. It was hardbound, lined and had a lot of pages, which I preferred because I used to write everyday, anywhere and everywhere(long bus rides, during my free time, before I go to sleep at night, before church service started etc…)! I could easily fill the 250 pages in three months. Aside from being cheaper than the thin journals that the other “exclusive” bookstores offered, I had the liberty to design the front and back covers as I choose.

Love at First Sight

Until, I read about Moleskine. I don’t know when or where I first chanced upon the legendary notebooks. All I know was that it was in the Philippines and that from the moment I was aware of their existence, I just knew I had to get one in my hands!

I once read from a forum, an iPod is to MP3 players; a Moleskine is to notebooks. Unlike some females who would salivate over couture and branded apparel and accessories (my opinions of which are an entirely different exhaustive post altogether!), I would splurge mainly on two things if my bank account would allow: techie gadgets (trying to build up my Apple family) and anything that has to do with Writing (journals, notebooks, pens).

A Moleskine, some would say that it’s just a glorified notebook and that it is an overhyped product, but it is pure luxury for me. The craftsmanship is superb and it’s a classic, with it’s oilcloth cover, elastic band, expandable pockets and the rich paper!

Currently I own two Moleskines, the small black watercolour moleskine which I finished last year and the limited edition red planner! I am going to finish my Paperblanks journal soon, and would want to buy a bigger blank Moleskine. Preferably a the new soft cover!

There are some cool groups out there about Moleskine, like here and here. Plus some wonderful websites celebrating the Moleskine here and Moleskine in the Philippines.

Shoppe Offer!

I will be opening shop soon, but for the meantime…

Do you want a small decorated Moleskine Cahier in Buff Brown? It’s made of 64 pages, with the last 16 pages are detachable. Just place a comment on why you want one!

Winner will be picked randomly! Unless of course only one person will comment! You have 72 hours…

 image credits:

purrplekatt

You have been warned this is a griping session:

(more…)

How timely, but my sister just resurrected her blog with pictures from Hideout Cafe…check out her updated blog here! And yeah, I don’t know who Ruki is!

And I’ve updated my About page too.

Finding cute stationery without my wallet suffering is not an easy task! Quality stationery is hard to come by, I especially loathe those cute ones that I buy only to find out that there’s a misspelling or worse a grammtically incorrect phrase that’s so prominently placed on the paper/envelope.

So I decided to make my own decorated/customised stationery. I mean I do make birthday cards for the cellgroup! Besides, what better way to show off my creative side, than by instilling an expression of my creativity along with my personality (those who are my penpals know about this!).

Ohh…reality check!

Unlike some other crafters, I am poor in resources, I don’t have those stamps, heat emboss tools, diamond glaze, walnut inks, Koi watercolours and Waterbrushes, stencils, journalling templates, and those fancy schmancy scrapbook embellishments and papers. I salivate over craft and scrapbooking blogs and books because almost all the stuff they use are either (a) not available in my part of the world, and/or (b) they’re too expensive for me to buy.

 I don’t have a digital camera, nor appropriate editing software and a bank account balance that will help me pay via credit card. In short, being creative doesn’t come because of the array of choices I have, being creative comes out of the fact that I don’t have much to begin with – OK sorry, ranting is over.

But I do get by. And I learned a few things…

#1 Use what you already have.

Recently, for a pen pal community we had a St. Patrick’s Day Theme – we were going green for the whole month of March! And I didn’t have any green stationery around as I used up my cute Panda ones!

So I took some green papers from my “scrap stash” – discarded papers from previous projects which I thought would still be useful. Yes, I am a hoarder – shoot me.

the cute green baby sticker!

going circles

These are actually, mini-books with about 4-6 pages inside! Yes, I do write long letters. I only used two shades of coloured paper, double-sided tape, a self-healing mat, a pen knife (craft knives are expensive), a sticker from those which are sold for a few cents at the pasa malam and the circle cutter which I invested $38 (I waited for one year before I bought it!).

Which brings me to…

#2 Play with patterns/colours and different shapes. I used the circle cutter to make windows out of the lime green and dark green paper. I took the circle I cut from the dark green and cut another hole into it (a bit off centre) and used it as an abstract window topper. For the green baby mini-book, I cut a hole from the light green circle and used it as a border for the sticker.

I actually made one more but I had sent it off before I could take a picture!

And remember Guy? The letter I was making for Tee? Gosh, I totally messed him up!

#3 Look for stuff that you can breathe second life to. Guy is drawn on a page from a book which I had been altering. It was one of the pages that I gutted out and stored in my scrap stash.

I added a little bit of colour!

and I pasted him on to an orange coloured paper;

I wrote the letter on the back part,

 folded the parts which were sticking out

and tied it on top with a ribbon!

I also made a mini-book for Dani as I said in my last post.

Making my own stationery is also time consuming, add to that the fact that one letter takes me about thirty minutes to write! But receiving nice comments and messages about my creations are very heartwarming!

It also allows me to think outside the box, given my limited resources and to explore ways to be creative without causing a big hole in my pocket!

Offer to anyone: Want a mini-book like Dani’s? (It has six pages). Comment on this entry and I’ll see what I can do for you!

I have felt that I am not writing as freely as before. Not blogging, but writing. Blogging is more of a shallow expression of myself and a mix of notes to myself (or the world in general). I loved writing because it had always been a way to express myself. Express myself when no one wanted to hear what I wanted to say, express myself when I didn’t want anyone to hear what I wanted to say, express myself without hurting others, express myself without hurting my own self, express the life that I wanted to lead, or express myself when I wanted to lead a different life I was living. Being a young girl it gave me control over my life and helped me deal with situations in a constructive way.

I used to write because I wanted to. I felt at home writing, whether it made sense or not. I did not strive to be better at my writing, I just wrote. As a kid, I would buy notebooks and write my own fairytales, albeit it was loosely based on…ok, somewhat plagiarized from Disney movies. I would buy big hardbound lined notebooks and see how fast I can fill it up with story ideas and poem ideas.

I was not shy about getting feedback then, my friends would read and critique my stories, yes I had a bunch of editors from the fifth to the sixth grade. In high school I made friends because people have heard of my “notebooks”. Writing to me was a way of connecting with people, in such a way that I can put in words exactly how they feel – that’s where the connection is.

I don’t know how or when but it happened. Suddenly, it was no longer me and my paper. There appeared another factor, the audience, and like a busker, I was asking for validation in the form of tokens. Sometimes lavishly provided, often just a small nod or a dismissive smile. At this time I learned all about the no-no of plagiarism, the Muse and how to “get inspired”. Stuff that I never thought about. I would be stressed at my lack of ideas and fear that whatever idea I may have has already been written.  Add to that pressure what F. Scott Fitzgerald said,  “You don’t write because you want to say something, you write because you’ve got something to say.” I felt all that can be said has been said and I felt like a total failure. I would wait for the perfect idea to come along and that’s when I decided to write.

When it didn’t happen (and I think it never will), I shrunk back. I would hand in bland reports and stopped exploring in my writing. My journals were turned into dull accounts of my everyday existence which bored me.

I remember this quote from Anais Nin

If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it.

I wish I had something to say. I wish I knew for certain what I wanted to write about for Ms Nin it was erotica, but for me? I just draw blanks not question marks, but blanks.

Maybe I’m the I-don’t-want-to-be-called-a-writer-because-I’m-too-embarrassed-to-admit-that-I-want-to-be-one type but it’s all the same. I want to write. And if I ever want to be called a writer I must start writing.

image credits to:

soartsyithurts

Monday: met a CEO from back home, he was very warm, funny and kind. You wouldn’t think that he graduated Magna Cum Laude from the premier state university no less. He dressed so simply and seemed easygoing. And for the latest edition of CLEO, my colleague Yvonne is the subject for the makeover!

Tuesday: Learned that my Mum has asthma. Please pray for immediate healing! This day was the most productive day of the week. I was able to download podcasts from UC Berkeley, wrote down notes from the Ravi Zacharias book I’m reading. I also had some personal Bible study done (yippeee!). But I haven’t gotten around to writing replies to the four (yes 4!) letters I received, 1 from Chile, 2 from UK and 1 from the US. Plus, Singpost returned the envelope of my letter to Dani  :( , yes the envelope, apparently the letter was lost/damaged.

Wednesday: Was too tired to function so I slept early. Really early,I arrived home at about 9pm then I just ate, had quiet time, showered and hit the sack.

Thursday: Went to Tampines Mart McDonald’s to have high tea with the whole team. Ricky and Leonard drove us there. OK, anyone here knows what “PURE GIRL” mean?

Received my recommendation letter! At last!

and I’m hoping to post more about the creative side of me. If only I can get the camera fixed and the scanner working again!

Easter is super around the corner!

But I’m really fatigued and I have such a stuffy nose…ugh-ish again.

Oh yeah, here’s the card I made for Dani!

image credits to:

gillespinault on Flickr