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source:weheartit

 

What if I fall and hurt myself
Would you know how to fix me?
What if I went and lost myself
Would you know where to find me?
If I forgot who I am
Would you please remind me?
Oh, cause without you things go hazy.

Hazy, Rosi Golan

Hypochondriac Unleashed

Just two things that had happened to me and how I’m guarding my health like never before:

• I read the symptoms of swine flu, it include high fever, body aches, headaches, coughing, sore throat, diarrhea, vomiting, fatigue and chills.  I was shocked because this describes what happened to me last week! I was so weak because if I wasn’t vomiting I was having diarrhea!  But I laughed because numero uno, I haven’t been to Mexico or the US or been into contact with anyone unless that one time that I ate lunch at the airport during Easter. And secondly, I DON’T EAT PORK. But hey I was sick a week BEFORE the headlines. Imagine if I got sick during this week…gah! The doctor would be putting me on quarantine or something *shudder*.

 

• In line with this I avoid birds. So please forgive me last Monday morning when I pointed and turned on the hairdryer and attacked the bird that had innocently rested at our window ledge. I mean c’mon we have to be careful, the health minister said so! And I apologised to the bird after it flew away, I mean surely I didn’t hurt its feelings? Anyway, the setting was on low so it wasn’t that bad.

 

Not OK

 

 

Iza87 on deviantART

 

 

 

But if I should break

If I should fall away

What am I to do?

I need someone to take

a little of the weight

Or I’ll fall through

 

You know’s something’s wrong when everything around you just swims and you’re in for a spin while it’s crashing in slow motion. And all you can do is smile through your teeth and try to FEEL that it’s bad and though you’re hoping it’s going to get better it doesn’t look that way.

I am not OK. And I feel that nothing is OK right now. But I can’t feel sad, I can’t feel mad, I can’t feel frustrated, I can’t even feel afraid. It’s weird. I mean isn’t there some sort of defence mechanism? A normal reaction. I can’t even pity myself! How sad is that?!

It’s not that I can’t tell anyone. People say that I tend to keep things to myself and never share until I have a meltdown. I’m not the type to draw people in my problems and all I can say is, you can just ask. I don’t like imposing on people so I’ll only tell if they ask…and no one’s asked me, so I don’t tell.

And it doesn’t look like I’m on a verge of a meltdown, I’m completely normal (bubbly and bimbotic) if you look at me but then I get whammed by the NOW that I’m facing, a NOW that I either want to fast forward, rewind or just completely erase from my life.

I’m still happy, I still love my life, I have faith that God will see me through this time. I am not completely overwhelmed, I am not afraid, I am just NOT OK with what’s happening right now.

If you still want to know the real story, you’ll know where to find me.

Things I Love Tuesday // 04-04

OK, I know I was too sick so I skipped a whole week of posting missing out on Things I Love, I will make up for it! I promise! This post is gonna be mostly about magazines, cookies, Japanese dramas (of course), songs and some awesome poetry!

 

source:weheartit.com

“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” ~Audrey Hepburn

 

♥   I’ve only watched two French films in my life one is Amelie and the other I can’t remember because I was like in 5th grade, all I know is that it’s some slapstick medieval comedy. So I want to add something to my poor French film knowledge and Les Chansons d’Amour seems like the perfect thing to watch, because, un – it’s a musical and as you all know I’m a sucker for musicals well, except for CATS (I still have to acquire a taste for it), deux – it is about LOVE, and trois – Louis Garrel is cute! Watch the trailer!

♥  MAGAZINE COVERS which are just pure eye candy! I have been “flipping through” Japanese magazines a lot, and I like most of them, except for the gyaru types. Non-No’s an all-time fave and I really ♥  the cover, so eye-popping! SEDA’s so bohemian, and of course anything hippie and bohemian is fine by me.  ViVi’s May cover is so summer-ish, and if I really bail out on buying Lula (read below), I would buy either ViVi or maybe Mina. When I saw this, I was just breathless, the subscriber’s edition has a FANTASTIC cover of Drew Barrymore! I just love her, she has been through a lot and I know I probably missed seeing Grey Gardens, but anyway, isn’t it breathtaking?

♥ As you all know I have been drooling over Lula! I googled a bit and there’s this slight chance that they’re selling Lula either at Kino or Borders but it’s selling at THREE times the normal price, will I be willing enough to part with my hard-earned money? Then I saw these spreads online, and I’m like, “ME WANT, ME WANT”! Isn’t it just gorgeous?

 LULA #8 This is photographed by Yelena Yemchuk

♥ Doing something for myself. It’s a 2009 project and I’m so excited that I’m actually doing this for myself, it’s been a long time since I fed my soul! Will be spilling the details soon!

♥  I think I’m in LOVE with Yoshitomo Nara…haha

 

♥  I have had the urge to make stuff lately, and this Eco-Friendly Ping Pong Ball Necklace  looks super flashy and cool to make, although of course, I am once again lacking in the tools department (a Dremel drill?) *fails* anyway, inspiration is GOOOODDD!

 

♥  Ear Candy: Listening to highschool stalker  by hello saferide and I couldn’t help but laugh at the lyrics. Big Bang’s Candle (Together Forever) is quite catchy and it’s been awhile since I listened to RnB-ish type of songs. What’s even more surprising is that I like Candy Kicks by Tsuji Shion!

♥ I dreamt about this, seriously, what could dreaming of Chocolate Crinkles mean? I realize that it has been FIVE YEARS since I last ate a piece, and I’m having night sweats because of this epiphany. FIVE YEARS, and I suddenly have the desire to bake! I am not a fan of chocolate but I do have moments where I could eat a pint of ice cream by myself, eat pizza for lunch for a week or just right now finish a dozen of chocolate crinkles with milk.

♥ Nodame Cantabile - there are a lot of reasons why I am watching this jdrama, first Eita! He’s becoming one of my To Watch actors because of this show and Last Friends. I think he has a wide range of acting skills,and I’m setting my sights on watching Voice since he’s like the lead there (?). Then there’s Ueno Juri, who I also like apart from Horikita Maki and Aragaki Yui. I adore, adore, adore her! I watched two of her movies, and she’s also in Last Friends. Coincidentally, three actors in Nodame act in Last Friends, it’s kinda freaky since I didn’t know about it, I only know Juri was there. I think I’ve been breathing this drama so much that I had a nightmare about being an orchestra conductor and worrying that I haven’t studied some symphony enough to conduct well .

♥ A few lines from Catherine Lucy Czerkawska

If I love you
Your life instantly becomes
more fragile than my own…
Your life is a single thread
It snaps
I wither.

♥ Spread the Love: Le Love Image - and I start singing you are my sunshine, my only sunshine!  You Are Beautiful - click and be amazed!

I hope that made up for the time that I missed posting. Have a great week!

Images courtesy of weheartit.com and Google images.

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source: weheartit.com

I can’t say that I went on a hiatus since I was forced not to blog because I was, let’s just put it that I was in a delicate position last week. But I can’t say that I will be blogging more especially nowadays when I found ways to entertain myself without going online, reading blogs, fangirling, or yes, even that evil thing called Facebook.  Which is good in a way since I like moving around more and really hunching over my desk is really bad for my back – plus lungs and other internal organs that get squished in the first place.

And I am struggling with stuff that need to be dealt swift action or else it will end up eating most of my life, which I won’t be proud of twenty years along the road. Breaking a (bad) habit takes three weeks, and creating a new habit also takes three weeks, and I don’t know if I’m not patient enough to see myself through. Then I think about roadblocks, or going back to the same old behaviour, which my personality is predisposed to do…it gets me stressed. Self-sabotaging is something I’m really aware of, and then there’s the voice that says, “What’s the point?” So it can really get me down. But I really want to take this seriously.

I understand that I sound like I’m ranting and that if you read this post you’re completely in the dark about what I’m trying to say, don’t worry it’s not like my friends also know about this, so yeah, I’m the only one who has the complete scoop, want to know more? Contact me.

So in the end, I want to make changes, small ones and big ones in my life. You have been forewarned, so don’t get all wide-eyed and open-mouthed when you see these changes take place. And yes, please do keep your opinions to yourself If I want them I’ll come to you, thank you very much!

As for now, I’ll try to blog three times a week? A post a day is ideal but hey, let’s not overestimate ourselves shall we?

Love and kisses!

Just A Quick One

I’ve been out of the loop because I was sick for a whole week, I’m still recuperating, this post is just to say, I’M STILL ALIVE! And I’m sorry for not picking up calls or replying to messages because it’s been too tiring to connect with the outside world. But your thoughts and wishes are appreciated! Love and kisses to everyone!

Drawing A Blank

• I am still not 100% back to my normal self. It’s a big effort just to handle simple conversation, when all I want is to be under the covers of my bed and sleep for a hundred years…well at least until I get better.
• Speaking of better, I really want something better than where I am now, and I’m believing that I will breakthrough…breakthrough…BREAK THROUGH!
• I am craving stuff which are unhealthy – chips, softdrinks, ice cream, fast food.
• I need to cut once again a few stuff from my life.
• blogging has become a pain? OH NO!
• I realize that I can’t be with negative people. I mean too much exposure to them really affects everything no matter how hard I try to maintain my optimism.
• Learning how to play the Japanese version of Sixpence None the Richer’s Kiss Me! At least something creative this week.
• Also learning how to play This is Our God - freely He gave it all for us, surrendered Your life upon that cross -this was the line that really touched me.
• My nose is still running, running, running…gahh…

reminder

 

source: weheartit.com

Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
   I’ve called your name. You’re mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
   When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
   it won’t be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
   The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
   all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That’s how much you mean to me!
   That’s how much I love you!
I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,
   trade the creation just for you.

Songs from My Quiet Time

Before anything else, check out Pastor Kong’s blog for his take on tattoos, very insightful! 

Sometimes when I do my quiet time, I just play my guitar through “instinct” and then I get songs to sing…these are two from this month:

source:weheartit

 

05 April 2009

With arms reaching out, my voice crying loud

Lifting the name of my Lord Jesus Christ

I lay my life before You, all I am adores You

God my refuge, I praise You now.

 

 

12 April 2009

Fill me with Your Holy Spirit

teach me all Your ways

let my life bring You glory, Lord

Show me what it means to love You

for all of my days

As I come to know you more and more

 

 

Random Sharing

I missed work for two days, and I’m still a bit drowsy from all the meds. I didn’t allow myself to go online or even watch TV. Thank goodness for advance posting! And so here are some random things that I felt blogging about!

A. If you had grown up with me, this is one of the things I would have tried to teach you: Marry a man who loves you more than you love him. Because I have done both now, and when it is the other way around, there is no spell in the world that can even out that balance.

             Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult

B. 50 Things You Can Learn from K-Dramas

These made me laugh, it’s true for k-dramas and even Taiwanese dramas :

 8. When you’re sick, your boyfriend carries you on his back and races to the hospital. He hasn’t even heard of   taxi/buses/hitching a ride.

13. You’re not studying hard enough unless you get a nosebleed.

14. If you have a nosebleed, it’s most definitely cancer. And you have no money to pay for the surgery that’ll save your life. And your liver is missing. The doctors are not sure where it went, but it’s making your cancer progress faster.

16. If two people are talking confidentally, they will leave the door of the room ajar so that a third party will eavesdrop on the conversation.

25. All Korean men can drink hard, smoke long, sing well and play the piano. Usually all at the same time, at the same restaurant that has a piano. The girlfriend doesn’t know this until she sees him playing the piano at night.

26. If you’re in a relationship, you must, at one point, leave the country and have your lover tearfully come RIGHT before you board the plane (vice versa applies as well. You can be the chaser.) 60% of the time you meet each other, and 40% you’re roaming around in circles in pass each other about 6 times. But you don’t see each other.

C. I wanna watch Detoroito Metaru Shiti (Detroit Metal City). Kenichi Matsuyama is sooooo talented, I can’t even see a hint of “L” in him here.

D. A not so random journal page:

Haha! This is Shi’s gift to me, a smiling Ryo, beside it is a haiku by The Imperial Adviser Atsutada. But I’m not so hyped up about Ryo-chan anymore, could it be a sign that my Nippon craze is waning? Not so, there’s still this guy… haha, I was just kidding! I liked him in Zettai Kareshi, he was a convincing robot boyfriend.

 

E. I am not into hip-hop nor RnB, so why do I keep playing  Big Bang’s Remember on Wacky? I am looking forward to hearing Camera Obscura’s latest album My Maudlin Career.

This is all for now, I’m excited for the days ahead!