…Sudden Overwhelming Sadness

It happens. I’ve been running on a high octane-fueled euphoria for so long, it wasn’t too long before I found myself swallowed by gloom.To describe my mood now will be melancholic, for some reason I feel my heart breaking. Emotions are there to help us cope with our environment, and right now my emotions don’t match my environment.Everything’s been going great for me.

Still, I’m in limbo. I guess I need time to decide how I should feel about something that has been on my mind for a few months now. Feeling too much will do this to me. I’ve pushed this far enough at the back of my mind and now it’s grown to a size where I can’t ignore it as much as I want to. There’s no way to escape from this, I have to make a decision or else this will end up hurting me.

And it didn’t help that I received an unexpected email that I mulled through over and over again. An email that even though it did tons for my ego raised more questions than the closure that we were both hoping for.

“If I could, I would build a time machine. And go back to when I still had you. I would cherish you instead of hurting you. I know these words may not mean anything to you anymore, I just felt the need to write it… “

The thing is he never said sorry, even with what he wrote to me. He never needed a time machine in the first place, all he needed to do was apologize. That said, after all we’ve gone through we both hold special places in each other’s heart. He’s probably the only person I’ve ever cried over the most. But that’s the thing with loving, the people who you love the most, can also hurt you the most. You give them permission to exact the most painful hurt because you love them. And I do still love him, but more as a sister looking out for a brother. But something inside me wished that he just never brought that sad part of our relationship back from the past.

I need to shake myself out of this. But none of the usual pick-me-ups have been working.

What do you do when you hit rockbottom? Is there any special ritual, comfort food, TV show, pictures, quotes or anything at all that lifts your spirits up? I would really want to know so that I can kick this UGH-ish phase.